a rock still beats inside
the cold lives under my pillow
with the memory of yesterday’s triumphs.
it is too bitter here now
as i turn and turn
into despair.
i wait
like fever in the darkness,
crying to awaken
from seemingly eternal dreams
of madness.
who will hear my awful tears?
where will new smiles blossom,
and when
will i forgive myself
my suicides?
12/8/96
the spider's domain
as i turn to hang up
the phone
i notice in surprise
the scurry of
the spider
jagged down my wall
black and weird
and reddish
i remember the way
i'd end his life
with flick or smash
and shudder
in subtle guilty fear
but that was once
upon a time and now
he treads his way
away
as i marvel
in sadness dread and
shame
recalling brutal footsteps
that rendered and render
multitudes
incomprehensible myriad
multitudes
of insects, birds
and human tribes
to quiet eternity
nonexistent and forgotten -
consigned to realms
beyond memory
i smile and cry
because i've changed
i turn and walk away
3/21/05
my own desert rain
the wind makes
me electric:
imbued with some strange
energy -
nameless, but profound.
the sky and i
are sullen,
though soon the sun
will chisel through
our clouds.
the trees
and i are waiting.
we dance and moan and
sway within
the wild embrace of time.
my hunger pools
like water;
escapes like steam
or percolates
toward the utter depth
of nature’s core.
4/6/98
a poem for you
i am captured,
starlight burns me -
love's a mystery
and a balm;
walking wounded
lost in shadows,
it's the storm
before the calm.
i have tasted
hell's damnation,
feasted too
on heaven's fare;
secret summers
have embraced me -
burning winters,
frozen prayer.
when my love
for you is done,
tears will have replaced
the sun.
5/17/05
Leon Brown is a poet living in Silver City, New Mexico