Jalapeno Peppers

Red’s Absolutely Dictionary:

Perhaps its time we ended the dangerous misnomer of the term ‘corporation’ which suggests something that is embodied (corpus) or has a body. Maybe something resembling a disease would be more appropriate, to alert us that these are dangerous objects, to be handled with great care and kept in safe containers. Perhaps the matter of tracking and regulating them should be turned over to the CDC, rather than some banking committee, whose members appear to become quickly infected.

New definitions:

’somaplegic’ n. - absence of any sensation of having a body and of all empathetic connection with those who do ; entities which are completely unaware of their wrappers and ungoverned by any sense of limit or constraint. The thought of consuming a billion burger-king whoppers would strike an embodied soul dead on the spot. Somaplegics, on the other hand, would regard such ghoulish gluttony as mere appetizer.

’somatic hypoplasia’ - adj. persons (or those claiming to be persons) exhibiting the complete absence of having a body; bodiless by origin or amputation; somaphagic adj. - entities which eat bodies (a practice common to those who are bodiless)

somatites - n. those who are afflicted with any or all of the above symptoms (not to be confused with sodomites; though somatohypoplagics often exhibit that characteristic as well)

Curiously, ’soma’ (Gr. ‘body’) was also the name given, and source identified in the Rig Veda, to the mystical/sacred mushroom, aminata muscaria. Peculiar to that designation is the fact that the family to which it belongs (Aminitaceae) includes many of the deadliest fungii known on the planet. The other species are often confused with soma and sometimes appear to be edible (”Do we care about the environment? - You bet we do”; “It’s just the floor mats getting stuck under the peddle.”…) though death is sure to accompany those who make the mistake of misidentifying them.

patacratic, patocracy - adj., n. - rule by the authority of the specific or, with no particular authority at all (ant. ‘democracy’: rule by the authority of the general). Used to avoid the confused mishmash and waste of paper enumerating the various species of wannabe slave-owners (fascists, plutocrats, somatites, Republicrats, Libertarians, housewives, school boards, public officials, socialists, capitalists, infocrats (software makers) sand-box bullies or others claiming to be the rightful lords of the somatic universe. Tain’t so, Dorothy. (Also see: Alfred Jarrey’s, “Pataphysics”).

(red’s never failing advice: Practice Your Typing & Keep Your Sense of Humor.”)

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 6th, 2010 at 10:36 am and is filed under blathers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.