Important Biblical Announcement | Christ Demoted

President Saint John the Divine announced today that former President, Jesus Christ has been demoted to Manager of Salvation. He will be reporting to Vice President Leviticus and also to Secretary of State, Daniel. The move is a reflection of a power struggle that has shifted the balance of power to the a combination of Old Testament leaders and the writer of the Declaration of Armageddon, President Divine.

It is unclear whether stoning and other Levitican measures will be applied again. Vice President Leviticus has stated that, it’s better to enforce punishment of the sins rather than to just tell people to love. “The love policies of Jesus were a grand experiment that didn’t work. It’s time to get tough on sin again.” This marks the beginning of President Divine’s WAR ON SIN which is replacing the socialist practices of helping the undeserving poor.

This has become necessary in order to meet the schedule for Armageddon which was been moved up to Modern Times by our Supreme Leader, his Royal Greatness and Highness whose name is Truth.

This schedule had been solidified in meetings by Daniel, President Divine and Christ, establishing the schedule and arrangements for the second coming event and plans for the thousand years of peace by leaving clues of their secret meetings outside the confines of their actual lives.

President Saint John the Divine has asked that the citizens refer to his writings as plan rather than as prophesy and  has requested that world leaders secure the correct lands in Israel to meet the schedule.
Manager of Salvation, Christ, said that he will, in his diminished capacity, still provide salvation within his budget but salvation is no longer an entitlement and the new “Ten Percent Rule” will now be applied.

The constitution has been revised. The term “The meek shall inherit…..” has been replaced with “The One Percent shall inherit….”. This is necessary to comply with the new tax laws. Also, only the Ten Commandments and the writings of Leviticus will be printed in red ink.

Schedule One Poem That Federal Law

Federal law that affects many of your friends and family is a concern:

Federal law made by I am not a crook Nixon
out to get hippies and blacks fifty years ago
and used by lazy cops to smell out a minority car
and go get doughnuts.
(Federal law as unfair as that statement.)
Federal law that put a record number
in federal prisons
over something with
the effect of a Benadryl
while allowing my friends to become addicted
to opoids?
That federal law?
You support Schedule one for pot
and sCHEDULE TWO FOR oXYCONTIN? aRE YOU NUTS?
Caps lock is Republican!
Ya’ll ain’t nuts. Ya’ll’s jus’ downright mean.
You know this federal law
enslaves minorities and you
LOVE IT.

I’m a Republican Now A Poem by Goosegrass

im-a-republican-now-poem

I’m a Republican Now

Why should I send your kids to socialist public school?
My kids have to pay for college.
Your kids should pay for grade school. Educate your own kids.

Why should I pay for your socialist police protection.
I live in a good neighborhood; we can afford our own.
The police aren’t here anyway, isn’t that why I need guns?
The police are in the black community making money.
Why should I pay for that?

Why should I pay for your socialist fire protection.
I can afford insurance for that.
If the poor neighborhoods burn, we can develop them.

Why should I pay for your socialist clean water.
I can install a filtration system.
Clean your own damn water,
hire your own damn policeman and fireman,
educate your own brats and
get off the socialist feedbag.

Every MAN for HIMself
You burn my flag and I’ll burn a cross in your yard.
I’m a Republican now.

Editor’s note:
This is satire. Goosegrass isn’t really a Republican. Please send no more KKK invitations.

Make Mayberry Great Again

I hate to be the one.
It hurts, but here goes.

Mayberry was not a place,
it was
A TV SHOW!
It was not real and we can’t go back there.
There was no there.

I’m sorry to be the one but, you see,
there were black people in North Carolina back then.

Andy, Barney and the rest?

Actors, every one.

I’m sorry.

Nerd Poem 2015

Run the nerds down,

assholes.

They drop their books,
trip when picking them up.

Laugh you assholes, laugh.

Glorify Vanderbilt instead,

Without him
there are still railroads.
Without Watts
you’ll WAIT WAIT WAIT
for your heroes,
your greedy heroes.

Vote vote vote for you heroes.

They serve you such nice dinners of
flags and crosses;

and laugh at the nerd,

without social skills

without coordination

without dignity.

Assholes