Counterfeit 

by Paul Kesler

I.
You've entered the theater. In the seat ahead is a hunchback. There's a munching noise. You try to move, but the place is jammed. 

II.
You've come to a restaurant. You start to eat, then hear someone laughing. It's a hunchback in the booth next to you. He snaps his fingers, and the most beautiful waitress in the world sits down on his lap. 

III.
At a baseball game, eighth inning. Suddenly a hunchback comes from the bullpen and starts winding up. You leave the stadium, but the usher blocks your exit. There's a hump on his shoulders.

IV.
At a concession stand, buying a drink. You look down at the ice cubes, which are shaped like tiny hunchbacks. They belch. You drop your cup.

V.
At the racetrack. You've bet on a horse that can't lose. As they round the final turn, your favorite is breathing hard, then a hunchback pulls into the outside lane and surges into the lead. He wins, and the crowd goes wild.

VI.
A policeman's outside your apartment. You try to enter, but the cop won't let you. He says he's seen a hunchback passing out counterfeit bills. They have your face on the front. 

VII.
It's 2:00 A.M., outside town. You thought you'd shaken the cops, but here's one in your headlights. 

"Are you the guy's been selling dirty movies?" You shake your head. "But you must be, it looks just like you." 

He hands out a photograph. It's a hunchback with a gigantic grin.