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Tracking Saddam | Poem


Tracking Saddam
International efforts to trace the mysterious disappearance of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein have encountered a new snag.

Reports from undisclosed intelligence sources indicate that five exact duplicates of Mr. Hussein have been discovered in an underground bunker near a residential sector of Saddam's home town of Tikrit. 

While it is too early to verify whether all five Saddams are authentic, it is nevertheless known that the clones represent an initial phase in a secret Iraqi plan to disorient the U.S. media, as well as a longer-range plan to reinstall the dictator at some indeterminate future date. Known in Iraqi circles as "Operation Trapdoor," the projected scenario called for all but one of the Saddams to disappear at a chosen cue from the clone most
favorably positioned after the withdrawal of forces from Baghdad.
Subsequently, he was to occupy an improvised palace, patched together with lumber from destroyed dwellings in his vicinity.

At least one of the Saddams has been dismissed as a forgery. When coalition troops first entered  the bunker, the clones were engaged in a spirited rendering of the Iraqi national anthem, but as reported by one British soldier who examined the group, a key was spotted protruding from the back of the third member in line. Why a wind-up toy should have found its way into the group is unknown; however, Pentagon officials claim that opposition forces from Kurdish sectors in the North planted the mannequin while no one
was looking.

The clones are presently under interrogation by agents of the CIA and foreign intelligence. For the most part, they have been reported as well-behaved, despite a propensity for breaking into song at unpredictable moments. 

Whatever the implications of the fake Saddams for future diplomacy, it's apparent that the  cloning program may be the "smoking gun" the U.S. has been seeking. As Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz stated, "Operation Trapdoor is the vanguard of a diabolical plan to take over the entire spectrum of Middle East resources, and is thus a direct threat to U.S. interests. It is, in fact, a Weapon of Mass Destruction, and as such must be met with the entire arsenal of Free World defenses. We will
interrogate these clones, neutralize them, and will smoke out any additional Saddams that may have escaped the immediate confines of the Tikrit bunker." 

It's reported that a sixth Saddam was observed by a refugee eyewitness near the recently-liberated outskirts of Basrah in the south, but this is unconfirmed. Nevertheless, the fact that  Saddam 6 was seen raising an American flag in the middle of a town square casts doubt on the claim. Also, the fact that the latest Saddam was singing, not the Iraqi anthem, but the Star-Spangled Banner, is enough to raise eyebrows among Western officials. Shiite refugees, questioned on the matter, have denied any knowledge of this
"Patriotic Wacko."

- Paul Kesler

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