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DIRECTIONS TO THE COUNTRY CLUB


 
Hope you got a card, bud, 'cause they won't let you in without a card. Truth is, not many go there by road these days. You should have a plane. Well...

See that fork up yonder a couple hundred yards? Hook left. That turns to a dirt road ---- the grass gets higher as you go, wanders like crazy. You might be OK a few miles, but it turns damn weedy after that, and then the bushes start. Right in the middle of the road, bud, and there ain't no way you can drive through. You'll have to hike it.

About half a mile and you'll come to a sign marked Beetlesback. The "Bridge" part wore off a while back, high winds or something. Anyway, the bridge takes you over some quicksand ---- better be careful, 'cause the wood's tricky and you might fall through. 

Follow the path till you come to a boulder on your right, like a shark's jaw. A big opening in the rock, see, and if you pass through the mouth it leads to a cave for a few hundred feet, then up to the surface looking over a precipice, say, 20 feet or so. There's this huge fallen tree connecting where you stand with some land on the other side --- like Beetlesback, pretty rotten wood.

After the log, go North-Northeast about half a mile, then round a giant Banyan in the shape of an elephant's foot. Hook right. Ahead of you is Cricket's Canyon, but don't take it seriously ---- it's an old name, and there's more spiders than anything. Don't stop long in the Canyon, though, you'll get swarmed if you pause too long.

Past the Canyon you come to a tree like chewing gum, white and gristly. The trick is to climb without getting caught. Anyway, you climb this tree to the highest branch ---- look up, you'll just make out the top of a courtyard made of sandstone. Assuming the tree's still there ---- haven't tried this route for years, and the wind's damn fierce in these parts.

Climb out onto the courtyard and there's a half-ruined castle. Walk left and peer out the last of the windows ---- you'll see, if the light's just right, a path that goes from the foot of the ruins to a creek lined with toadstools. Take the path, cross the creek and go through Widdershin Forest in a southerly direction. I'm not sure if it's due south or not, but you'll know you're OK when you see the dead fountain in the middle of a clearing, there's moss on it and maybe a vulture or two looking for food, anyway you keep on going for maybe a few more miles, then right till you come to a sandy beach, past an abandoned lighthouse, then around a bunch of  giant crabs feeding on chickens ---- you getting all this, bud?


- Paul Kesler


 
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