accepting heaven
starlight burns me
love's a mystery
and a balm
walking wounded
lost in shadow
it's the storm before
the calm
i have tasted
hell's damnation
feasted, too,
on heaven's fare
secret summers
have embraced me
burning winters
frozen prayer
now that maya's grip
has loosened
and my mirror strains
to clear
now that nothing is
important
and there's nothing left
to fear
i will be
accepting heaven
i am here
for nothing less
since the choice is mine
as always
i am choosing
happiness
a rock still beats inside
the cold lives under my pillow
with the memory of yesterday’s triumphs.
it is too bitter here now
as i turn and turn
into despair.
i wait
like fever in the darkness,
crying to awaken
from seemingly eternal dreams
of madness.
who will hear my awful tears?
where will new smiles blossom,
and when
will i forgive myself
my suicides?
12/8/96
the spider's domain
as i turn to hang up
the phone
i notice in surprise
the scurry of
the spider
jagged down my wall
black and weird
and reddish
i remember the way
i'd end his life
with flick or smash
and shudder
in subtle guilty fear
but that was once
upon a time and now
he treads his way
away
as i marvel
in sadness dread and
shame
recalling brutal footsteps
that rendered and render
multitudes
incomprehensible myriad
multitudes
of insects, birds
and human tribes
to quiet eternity
nonexistent and forgotten -
consigned to realms
beyond memory
i smile and cry
because i've changed
i turn and walk away
3/21/05
my own desert rain
the wind makes
me electric:
imbued with some strange
energy -
nameless, but profound.
the sky and i
are sullen,
though soon the sun
will chisel through
our clouds.
the trees
and i are waiting.
we dance and moan and
sway within
the wild embrace of time.
my hunger pools
like water;
escapes like steam
or percolates
toward the utter depth
of nature’s core.
4/6/98
a poem for you
i am captured,
starlight burns me -
love's a mystery
and a balm;
walking wounded
lost in shadows,
it's the storm
before the calm.
i have tasted
hell's damnation,
feasted too
on heaven's fare;
secret summers
have embraced me -
burning winters,
frozen prayer.
when my love
for you is done,
tears will have replaced
the sun.
5/17/05
Leon Brown is a poet living in Silver City, New Mexico
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